TIEMA , THE POET ( Kenyan Poet ) .

DREAMS OF MY MOTHER

2010-08-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

You may be far away
That I cannot hear your voice
That which path of life
I shouldn’t follow
That you cannot wipe my tears
With your smile
When I am angry
You may be far away

You may be far away
That you cannot hear
The noise of your grand sons
Whom you never left behind
That you cannot see
Your slim, little boy is now a man
That I cannot show you my bride
You may be far away
But you have never been
Away from me

»Beyond The Eyes«

2010-06-25T03:20:00.001-07:00

I know when the winter sets in
There will be cold and flu
Days are short
Nights are long

I know when I see death
It's cold
It's mysterious
It's unknown
No man lived to tell.

I know when I see tears
Its pain
Its sorrow
Its heartbreak
At times its joy
Its happiness.

I know when I see love
It radiates warmth
From the heart
It brings smiles
It brings hope
At times it brings sorrow
It leaves scars and wounds.

I know when I see a child
It's full of innocence
Love and affection
Hopes
Dreams of tomorrow.

I know when I look at the sky
It's full of mysteries
Of what lies beyond the horizons
And what secret it holds
Away from the earth.

Song Of Man

2009-11-20T03:59:00.000-08:00

If I cant make it tonight
Know that life forced me
To be
So that I could be
A man
Just like others
With smile on their faces
Each day back home
With a loaf of bread
For their family

If I cant make it tonight
Weep not for me
All your life
Block not
The flow of love
From your veins
Let not your life
Go with me
Beneath the earth

If I cant make it tonight
Don’t tell them so
That which is the truth
Don’t let them know
That which would break
Their hearts
That with blood
On my hands
Their bowl of food
Came from that

If I cant make it tonight
Know that
The scars and pain
You saw on my face
Reaches not deep
In my skin
Nor flow in my veins
That deep in me
Lies a human

If I cant make it tonight
Know the song of man?
That as soon as he’s born
He begins to die
Remember thee
Those words
If I cant make it tonight

---------------------------
Durban, South Africa.
17th Nov. 2009

The Last Journey

2009-09-04T07:41:00.000-07:00

The last journey
Is when you shall depart
Not to an exotic island
For a holiday
Neither to a mountain
For a treck
That day when you depart

The last journey
Is when you shall depart
Not with your spouse
Or Children
Not on a trip
To visit beloved parents
That day when you depart

The last journey
Is when you shall depart
Not in a suit and suitcases
Not in your golden bracelets
And necklaces
That day when you depart

The last journey
When you depart
Not in a plane
Not in a limousine
With aides
That day when you depart

The last journey
You will be driven, not driving
You will be leaving, not returning
They will be crying, not laughing
That day when you depart

WHILE YOU SLEPT

2009-08-31T01:42:00.000-07:00

While you slept
There was a scuffle
Noises
A scream
A burglar caught in the act?
An abuse?
Domestic feud?
Perhaps yes
Perhaps not

While you slept
There was a coup coup d'etat
Blood was shed
Civil war broke out
A revolution?
Dictator is born?
Puppet regime?
Perhaps yes
Perhaps not

While you slept
A dying soul stretched
An empty bowl
For food
Perhaps they will see
Another dawn
Perhaps they will be
A history tomorrow

While you slept
A petal blossomed
To a flower
A bride groomed
To a wife
A boy became
A man
A pride was broken
She was now
A woman

While you slept
There was a smile
On your face
Your body moved
You clasped your hands
Your lips twitched
May be you wanted to say it
Perhaps yes
Perhaps not

While you slept
A drop from the sky
Watered a seed
Perhaps it shall grow to a tree
And give us
Fruits
Shade
Firewood
Or a furniture
Perhaps that drop too
Shall water
Your emotions
That some day
May grow up
To a romantic tree
In your heart.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Durban, RSA
31ST Aug 2009

IF ONLY THEY KNEW

2009-08-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

If only they knew
They wouldn’t reach
Just meters away
The journey would end

If only they knew
They wouldn’t last
Just after the honeymoon
The tension would begin

If only they knew
They wouldn’t take it
Just as they part
Loneliness would set it

If only they knew
There will be war
Just after they started
Their ethnic rhetoric

If only they knew
He would forget them
Just after they voted
And chose him
As their leader

If only they knew
There will be tears
There will be laughter
There will be life
There will be death

If only they knew
There will be trust
There will be betrayal
There will be rain
There will be rainbow
If only they knew.

Shattered Hopes & Dreams

2009-08-27T00:28:00.000-07:00

Can you pick up the pieces
When the glasses
Are broken
And pieces
Are scattered

Can you pick up the pieces
When the ashes
Of your dreams
Are blown away
And spread
Across the land

Can you pick up the pieces
When the horizon
Of your dream is blurred
The sky of your life
Is cloudy
With no rainbow in sight

Can you pick up the pieces
When you stumble
In the race of life
Not once or twice
But always

Can you pick up the pieces
When the spring of your life
Has dried up
When the petals
Of your being
Has withered
Can you pick up the pierces
And start from the ground

-------------------------------------
By: Tiema H. Muindi
27th Aug 2009, Durban, RSA.

TELL ME, THE SECRET

2009-08-24T04:55:00.000-07:00

I wanted to ask you
Even when in turmoil
Of your life
And all doors closed
That tomorrow’s tunnel
Seemed to have no light
I wanted to ask you
Why did you still smile

I wanted to ask you
When your dreams
Have no glimmer of hope
When your efforts
Are just a drop
In the ocean
But still you go extra mile
I wanted to ask you
Why did you still smile

I wanted to ask you
Why you were so quite
And never hit back
Even when the chance
To put down your enemy
Was there for you
I wanted to ask you
Why did you still smile

I wanted to ask you
Is it that you had no tears
For I never saw them flowing
Is it that you knew no anger
For I never saw you annoyed
Even when your life was cloudy
And you couldn’t see yonder
I wanted to ask you
Why did you still smile

Aug 2009, Durban. RSA
Dedicated to my mother Salama Nekesa Juma.

WHEN ITS OVER, LET ME KNOW

2009-08-24T03:18:00.000-07:00

Would you let me know
When the flame of your emotions
Is burning low
That my relation with you
Is now but just a show?

Would you let me know
When the river of our love
Is drying up
That in your heart
My thirst of love
Cannot be quenched?

Would you let me know
When the lyrics of my love
No longer matches
The drumbeats of our lives
That once had
No boundary between

Would you let me know
When that candlelight
No longer radiates
Rays of love and affection
That both of us
Once cherished
As a bond of love

Would you let me know
When the whistle is blown
And that
It was only a game
As you move on ahead
And on your face
With no trace of shame

How to mess up a job interview

2009-07-18T02:32:00.000-07:00

IN the land where I come from, I used to hear the elders saying that “not every day is a Sunday”. I never got the chance to ask them what that meant. However, as a small boy at the time, my inquisitive nature realised that it was something to do with luck: that not every day is a lucky day.

Luck is what I needed when I attended a get-to-know-each-other meeting with elders from the family of my in-laws-to-be, for what I went through was some sort of an “interview” that had the ingredients of a Guantanamo-Bay interrogation. With his x-ray eyes staring at me, one of the elders wondered if I had smoked “something” that day since my eyes looked sleepy. Calmly, I denied the allegation. Another one said I looked skinny and was fearful that their daughter was probably going to be starved since I didn’t know how to take care of myself.

I passed that interview because I knew what was required of me and played according to their rules. That’s why I was not branded counterrevolutionary and redeployed back to the bachelors’ club. But while that was a walkover for me, a job interview I once attended was a disaster.

First, I was late and complained about the directions and awkward location of the company’s offices, parking problems and even expressed my fear for the safety of my car in its parking lot. I didn’t forget to mention that the lifts were slow and probable death traps. I thought I was creating a rapport with the interviewer, not knowing that as cordial and happy-go-lucky as interviewers may seem, they didn’t like dealing with a complaining job seeker.

The interviewer didn’t comment but asked me the reason for leaving my previous employment. I brought the unpleasant experience of my last job to the table. I bad-mouthed my former employer and even some of the employees in such a manner that if I was a state witness testifying against a priest on trial, he would have definitely been put behind bars.

While I continued with my outburst, the interviewer kept shaking his head, and I thought he was sympathising with me, not knowing that he was probably wondering: “Will this person be bashing me and our company behind my back at future interviews, too?”

Although employers have their own shortcomings, bad-mouthing them backfires on the job seeker.

The other blunder I made was letting the interviewer know that I wasn’t a keen listener. He had asked me: “Tell me about a time when you had to deal with an arrogant customer.”

I blurted out, saying that I had dealt with such customers many times. I was behaving like the Yellow Pages, having answers at my fingertips not knowing that such a question by an interviewer was to elicit a problem and its solution from me. I should have taken time to think through the question and come up with a thoughtful answer.

When the interviewer was interrupted by the secretary, I took the opportunity to take a break and started slouching. Another interview killer. I laced my fingers together behind my head then tipped the chair back off its front legs. And when my cellphone rang loudly, I almost fell on the floor in shock. I had forgotten to switch it off before the interview. Unknowingly, yet part of my habit when something goes amiss, I let out an “f-bomb”, while I was answering the call.

The interviewer and the secretary seemed utterly shocked by my behaviour. He then asked me if I had anything to say before the conclusion of the interview. At this point, I opened the kimono and lamented that the job hunt had been really hard and even after sending out almost 100 copies of my CV, I wasn’t getting any callbacks, that I needed the job desperately and I was prepared to take up any offer.

Although it’s tempting to share your frustrations with a sympathetic interviewer, this lamentation is a jinx and interviewers do not want to hear what they heard from me that day. With the composure of a mortuary attendant, the interviewer suggested that I try acting as a career. I think that was his way of telling me that I was the wrong candidate for the public relations post that I had applied for.

After having surmounted the huge hurdle of being face-to-face with the person who was making the hiring decision, I blew it by crossing the interview “red-lines”.

www.witness.co.za
27 May 2009
Tiema Haji Muindi

My New Year resolutions always fail

2009-07-18T02:29:00.000-07:00

IF there was a Nobel Prize for those consistent in making New Year’s resolutions and breaking them overnight, I would be one of the nominees. Since there’s no such award, I decided to conduct a postmortem of my New Year’s resolutions to determine the causes of their premature deaths.
Being not so clever and yet not so stupid, I was conscious of my ballooning physique, hence diet was one of my resolutions as we ushered in 2008. Surrounded by my six daughters and their mother, at midnight we watched fireworks, sang and danced in joy. We drank a toast to 2008 and ate some chocolates and biscuits being passed around by my daughters. I ate another piece of fried chicken, escorted down with a glass of mango juice, custard creams and … oh wait. Only a few minutes into 2008 and the first casualty was my diet resolution. Well, I decided the resolution could start in the morning. But in the morning, the normal family breakfast of fried eggs, juice, custard cream, slices of buttered bread and some chocolate biscuits awaited us.
Since I have never been good with rands and cents, my second resolution was to save for a rainy day. However, I suspect my seasons to have been shorter because the dreaded rainy day knocked at my bank account in early January, before I could even start saving. When bills and invoices started streaming in, I was tempted to believe that it wasn’t really a rainy day but a financial tsunami. We had borrowed and spent a lot for our holiday preparations and now we had to pay for them. By the time I cleared half of those bills, it was almost the third quarter of the year and my saving resolution had vanished.

My other major resolution was to stop gambling. That’s it. I lost all the time anyway. No. If I give up gambling for a year, then that’s a year that I don’t have any chance of winning back the R100 000 I lost last year. So, with the hope of a win, I wriggled myself out of that resolution and continued with gambling. Not really good for a person whose resolution is to save.

The diet resolution was no more, while the idea of saving money was blown apart by our expenditures and the gambling addiction was deep in my veins. I took solace in the fact that my fourth and last resolution was easier to accomplish: to read a lot and watch less television. But I had forgotten that my six daughters and their mother like to discuss with me their favourite programmes. I realised that if I ignored them, they were likely to hit back by staging a stayaway when I am watching my favourite programmes, news and rugby. Since I have a phobia of being alone in the living room, I gave in and joined them. Having broken all my resolutions, I consoled myself. You can always start again next year.

That’s why my postmortem of my New Year’s resolution failure gave me an insight into some of my weaker points. I realised that achieving some of my resolutions doesn’t need to be an individual affair. I stand a much greater chance of success if I have family and friends who support my cause. It doesn’t help being on diet when my six daughters and their mother are fond of fast foods for breakfast and dinner. If they had known my resolution, they might have given me their support.

The resolutions failed, partly because I had not personalised them. I should have asked myself questions such as, “Why do I want those resolutions and what does it mean to me to achieve them?” or “How will I feel when I achieve them?” or “Do I want them badly enough to pay the price in time, effort and sacrifice to pursue them?”

My other point of weakness was that I never reviewed them periodically to check on my progress and recalibrate where necessary as this would have ensured that I stayed on course. I should also have put myself on the line by announcing to my family and friends what I was trying to do. That would have been a promise to them and a commitment to myself. Instead, I kept the resolutions to myself and with no promises to keep to anybody, I had an easy way out.

I should have written my goals down, which would have helped to crystallise them. Now that I have these pitfalls in mind, I think I’m in a better position to achieve my targets for next year.

www.witness.co.za
29 Dec 2008
Tiema Haji Mundi

Why men change after marriage

2009-07-18T02:23:00.001-07:00

I am a disturbed man, not because there’s a court order to attach my properties or because the mother of my six daughters has been recalled by her family delegates because of my failure to pay the 14-year-outstanding lobola. I am disturbed because she has stopped calling me by my pet name, “my dear”, and instead refers to me as “stranger in my life”, which to me sounds like a blockbuster movie yet to be released.

She believes that just like many other men, I am a chameleon. Her argument is that she has seen me change from being a boyfriend who floored the competition, to a husband after sweet-talking her family delegates into accepting my lobola payments by lay-by. Later on, I became the father of our daughters. She accepts that she was comfortable having me as a boyfriend and then a husband, but now she’s not willing to have a stranger in her life.

In her regular conversations with her best friend, she has been wondering what happened to the man she loves.

These are some of her common complaints.

• “He used to think ahead and plan our outings. I felt really special. Now he waits until Friday night and asks me where I would like to be taken or what I would like to do. I hate it.”

• “When I got dressed up, he would notice me and compliment me on how I looked. Now he doesn’t even notice. If I ask how I look, he just says fine. It doesn’t make me feel beautiful.”

I feel that my behaviour hasn’t changed but has just shifted in various ways and the behaviour shift is not deliberate but innocent. I still love her with great affection. She’s probably not aware that as a man, for me an intimate relationship is much more goal-oriented and my actions at the beginning of the relationship were the steps I was taking to achieve that goal. Once attained I no longer focused on repeating the things I did to get there. Instead, I focus instinctively on doing what it takes to stay there.

I used to touch her affectionately, buy her flowers and other gifts, call her from work, plan dates, look at her when she talked, compliment her on her looks and clothes, listen intently to her stories and behave in other ways to show that I cared. But after achieving my goal my ways of doing things changed. Instead of taking the time to do little romantic things, I took the time to earn money so that she could eventually do whatever she wants. Instead of calling her from work, I go home each day. Instead of planning dates and outings, I plan to live my life with her. Instead of telling her how beautiful she is or that I love her, I wear the wedding ring that I feel says it all. Instead of just looking and listening to her when she talks, I feel great responsibility for her and always try to solve her problems. I suppose this is why the mother of my six daughters believes that I am a changed man and a stranger in her life.

However, my brother from another mother, who is not a fool in ideas as I am, enlightened me to the fact that the things I did in courtship and in the early years in our marriage are still crucial requirements for intimate growth and keeping the passion alive. So I am now planning a shift back into first gear. I am also thinking of an open discussion with her on why I changed my modus operandi. This could help her understand the innocent reasons that I have for not performing certain loving behaviours. I believe these steps could win me back my pet name, bring back the sparkle in our relationship and the smile back to her beautiful face. Probably the shift could even win me a bonus of having a seventh daughter or perhaps inspire her to lobby on my behalf for the cancellation of my lobola arrears.

www.witness.co.za
28 Nov 2008
Tiema Haji Muindi

Handling the office gossip traps

2009-07-18T02:20:00.000-07:00

I know that I have a poor memory and not just because I cannot remember when I last got paid my salary or when my next lobola instalment is due. It’s just that my memory and senses reject matters which are not my concern, especially office gossip. Those who participate in this pastime seem to know all about what is going on in and around the company.

My brother from another mother could remember how the managing director was dressed last Friday and even noticed that he had on yellow socks. When the office tea girl was pregnant he was at it again and even claimed that he knew the “suspect” responsible.

At times, office gossip may seem like harmless chatter, but if you happen to make an innocent comment, it is likely to be broadcast in a different version faster than the news channel can broadcast it. And in case you have a moment of weakness, do not repeat what you have heard unless you enjoy being stabbed with your own kitchen knife. My brother from another mother found this out when he made an innocent comment about one of his workmates.

That’s why I reminded him of rule number one: do not participate in office gossip or hang around the perpetrators. To do so is to perpetuate it and you belittle yourself. Always ask yourself about your motivation when discussing others in a personal way.
Sometimes you will end up overhearing or being involved in a conversation. This will occur from time to time, unless you become completely antisocial at work. The only thing you can do is to say nothing. Do not agree or disagree because that will make you an accomplice to the gossip and office gossipers are no martyrs — they always take others down with them.

“What if I happen to be the subject of the gossip? Should I just ignore it?” asked my brother from another mother. The best thing is to arm yourself with the facts. Is there truth to the tall tales? Sometimes there’s a sense of truth and this should be uncovered before confronting the gossipers with facts rather than emotions. Look for factual answers from those who are in a position to give definitive and accurate answers. If the gossip is touching on your private life, the tactic is to inform the gossiper that you are prepared to follow up the gossip with the targeted person. This will let the gossiper know that the information is going back to the targeted person and the gossiper will likely retract what he or she has said or apologise for it.

One has to keep in mind not to chastise gossipers as they thrive off a reaction and if you attempt to put a stop to it through a confrontation, chances are that things will not work out in your favour. Not only will the gossiper begin to bad-mouth you and perhaps even make things up about you, but there’s a good chance that others will believe him or her.
At times we have our own bad days, no doubt, either with our workmates or our superiors, but the worst thing to do is to run off at the mouth to the first person you run into. In anger we tend to say things we don’t mean, but what we sometimes don’t realise is that once things are said, we can’t take them back.

If anyone ever asks you what you think of someone, stop the gossip trap by telling the gossiper this: “I feel uncomfortable talking about X while she’s not in the office. Let’s wait until she can be with us to continue this discussion.”

Normal office discussion should keep references to other people friendly and supportive, and should not pick holes in another person’s character or invade his or her private life. Such gossip may create a hostile work environment and turn the office floor into an obstacle course of mistrust. In fact, once you are labelled a gossiper, you may never be trusted again.

Office gossip is one soap opera that does not have a good ending.

www.witness.co.za
12 Mar 2009
Tiema haji Muindi

Learning to say no to others

2009-07-18T02:17:00.000-07:00

Many times, I have found my brother from another mother at crossroads. It’s not that his junkheap of a car had stalled, as usual, and he needed help. It is because he had been asked to do something he really didn’t want to do or had no time for, and found it difficult to say “no”.

He told me that he would feel guilty if he said “no”. Jokingly, I told him to advertise himself as “volunteer 24/7, phone call away”. While I was teasing him, he confided in me that the situation makes him feel as helpless as the Zim dollar. Many times, he has had to make unwanted concessions or meet unreasonable demands. “How do you say ‘no’ without losing the deal or destroying that valued relationship,” he lamented.

One time, his boss asked him to work overtime when he had planned to take his wife and children for a Friday-night outing. And when his long-awaited loan was approved by the finance office, his friend asked him to lend him some money from that loan. Another time his brother asked him if he could borrow his newly bought cellphone for a week.

I advised him that he shouldn’t be afraid to say no. It doesn’t reject the person, it simply refuses the request and there are many ways of doing that without feeling guilty about it. The first thing is to identify the emotional hooks that are getting in your way. If a friend or relative asks you for a favour, are you afraid that he or she will never speak to you again if you say no? What if you say no to an employer’s request? Do you fear being victimised or fired? If you say no to your lecturer, do you anticipate getting a bad grade in the course? After identifying the negative expectations, the next step is to be realistic about them. If you say no to a relative or friend’s request, they will be disappointed but your relationship is not contingent on this. He or she will likely respect you more for having said no clearly.

It’s normally reasonable to refuse when it’s inconvenient for you. If you agree you will probably feel dissatisfied with yourself or even angry and resent the other person, and this may come across non-verbally, in missing deadlines, being unpleasant or silent. When I am in a difficult situation and am unsure of what I want to say or how I want to say it, I always give myself time by telling the other person: “Can I get back to you? I will have to check my schedule,” or “I have had a few things come up and need to deal with those first.” In some cases, no matter how you say no, some people persist like a scratched DVD movie. You may need to get their attention by touching them and saying: “You seem to be invested in getting me to agree, but I have said no and I really mean it,” or “I would like to do that for you but I have other commitments.”

It also doesn’t help to give “a convoy of excuses” when saying no. Rather look directly at the person and be to the point with a sense of assertiveness in your voice and manner. Also make sure that your non-verbal gestures mirror your verbal messages. You should make eye contact and your tone should be non-apologetic. Often people unknowingly nod their heads or smile and even sound apologetic when attempting to decline or refuse a request. This gives the other person a feeling that he or she still has a chance with you.

I related to my brother from another mother how my sister found herself baby-sitting our neighbour’s children even though she never wanted to. I had heard her complaining: “I really don’t want to spend Saturday night baby-sitting our neighbour’s three children. But when she asked me I couldn’t say no. So I just said ‘yes’. I wish I had time to think of an excuse.”

In some cases, provide an alternative or suggestions: “ I cannot do that today but how about next time?” or “How about asking so-and-so instead?” and “I won’t be able to do that, but I can show you how to do it.”

Saying no doesn’t mean that you are unco-operative or arrogant; it’s recognising your limits and being selective in what you choose to do.

www.witness.co.za
24 Feb 2009
Tiema Haji Muindi

Why men may not want to say ‘Yes, I do’

2009-07-18T02:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what the world would have been like if Adam had led Eve in circles on the issue of a lifetime commitment. I was thinking about that as my mind had been preoccupied with the concern I have for the daughter of my mother.

She confided in me that after almost three years of courtship, the man of her dreams is not in a hurry to propose marriage to her. She alleged that the man seems to have an unlimited catalogue of excuses, whenever the words “marriage” or “commitment” come out of her mouth.
She’s now convinced that trying to make him commit to the relationship is like trying to have Osama bin Laden and George W. Bush have lunch together.

But when I asked her why she’s still in that relationship, she lamented that the man seems to have been blessed with a flattering tongue that could easily win any politician’s vote in an opposition stronghold. Some of his standard answers to commitment are, “Why change?”, “We get along”, “We are happy”, “We have no problems”.

While I had no solution to her dilemma, my brother from another mother’s opinion was that the issue of commitment is complex and doesn’t have a single-dose prescription. He is of the view that generally a man has no incentive to commit himself to marriage if he’s in a “come-we-stay” relationship (cohabiting), since he’s enjoying the benefits of having a wife without giving a commitment in exchange. This reminded me of what my mother used to tell my sister: “He won’t buy a cow if he already gets the milk for free.” Crass? Absolutely, but true, unfortunately.
Another possibility was that my reluctant brother-in-law-to-be may be in the middle of trying to move on to another relationship that he’s working on. While trying to make sure that the other woman is the one he wants, he will keep daughter of my mother hanging.

Their other point of view was about his past. Personal hurtful experiences might make him get cold feet when he remembers what happened to his parents or friends or relatives: divorce. He’s probably afraid that might happen to him, so he’s being extra cautious. At this point, I felt that the life of the daughter of my mother is being wasted with so many excuses, while the man tries to “discover” himself.

But my brother from another mother reminded me that it could just be one of many reasons. He advised me to check on their rapport and find out if the daughter of my mother has a tendency to want to control him. If the man feels that she’s of the type that will end up controlling his life, he will not want to be romantically involved with her in the long term. He will end up keeping her long enough for him to find a woman who will let him be himself.

Listening to all that made me feel that Eve was fortunate enough to have Adam in her life. But the setup was probably different then, and there were no other Eves around at that time. If there had been, Adam would probably have said: “What if I commit too soon to Eve and miss out on the most beautiful woman I have ever met?”

My brother from another mother told me that that could be the kind of thought that goes on in the mind of my reluctant brother-in-law-to-be.

I strongly felt that he should make up his mind about the whole issue, but my brother from another mother reminded me of the issue of finances. He said that some men want to wait until they are financially stable. Not unreasonable. Admirable, even, in certain situations for a man who knows the responsibilities that a wife and children bring, and wants to make sure that he’s fit to carry them before taking them on. However, he advised that if this is one of his reasons then the daughter of my mother should check to find out if they have similar definitions of what “financially stable” means.

But while some men regard financial stability as a critical factor, there are those who are afraid of taking on responsibility. With commitment comes less freedom and more responsibilities, and there are some men who dread taking on the kind of responsibility that come with marriage and children.

My brother from another mother finally warned me that if the daughter of my mother is a big flirt, her Mr Right will not commit to her. Why? Well, no man wants to be in a relationship with a woman who cannot control her flirtatious ways.

Staring at my brother from another mother, I realised that men have a ton of reasons why they may not want to say, “Yes, I do” to women and it’s for the woman to either change certain things she’s doing that block her path to commitment or simply let him know what she wants and if he doesn’t act on what she says, then she must move on.

www.witness.co.za
29 Jan 2009
Tiema Haji muindi

Misuse and abuse of trust

2009-07-18T02:04:00.001-07:00

I happen to have had a mother who knew the value of education for her children even though she never saw the inside of a classroom as a pupil, but only when summoned by my class teacher to hear the mischiefs of her only son. That’s why when a neighbour’s son came to borrow some books from my sister, our mother saw in that boy an innocent pupil who was only after assisting her daughter with her studies.

After greeting our mother, the conversation between the boy and my sister went something like this: “Do you have the book called I Want to See You Today?” The response from my sister was: “The one I have is called Let us Meet Tomorrow at the Spaza Shop near the Taxi Rank.” At that time she would probably give him any novel just to legitimise the conversation.

Those conversations were always in the mother-tongue and only the lengthy titles of the “books” in English, just to avoid suspicion from some inquisitive parents. I am not a saint either, since I also used to borrow books from my friend’s sister.

But now the ghost is haunting many of us. This time it’s not borrowing books with lengthy titles. The whole misuse of trust and abuse game is being played using cellphones, right in front of our eyes and ears. While you are watching television or reading a newspaper in the comfort of your living room, your spouse seated close to you could be sending or receiving text messages from their “partner-in-affair”.

In many affairs, the use of cellphones is prolific as they are discreet. You can step out of the living room and head to the balcony to receive a call claiming that the signal inside the house is weak. Some calls are made in bathrooms while the water is running or even when toilets are flushing.

But if it happens to be a relative calling, the signal is normally strong.

Those involved in the game of cheating have ways of protecting their illicit affairs. To avoid being caught, the names in the phonebook are normally not the actual names but nicknames, while in some cases a female contact in the phonebook is given a male name and a male is listed with a female name just to confuse the spouse. If it happens that the spouse is nosy then a security code is put in to prevent any access. All “foreign” text messages either sent or received are immediately deleted, as applies to the calls record.

A guilty party could have two sim cards, one of which is unknown to his or her spouse, or even a second cellphone kept out of sight. Those using only one sim card never put their phone down, especially when at home or if the partner is around. The other trick is to have it permanently switched off when at home or when the spouse is around.

The survival of many “affairs” depends on cellphones, as it’s the necessary part of keeping them alive. But the bottom line is that using a cellphone to perpetuate these liaisons is an abuse of trust.

06 Apr 2009
www.witness.co.za
Tiema Haji Muindi

WISE COUNSEL

2009-04-15T01:45:00.000-07:00

When you feel that
You are done
The ashes that you are
Also gone
The hope that you had
About to drown
Your foundation of toiling
Is also blown
Think not of giving up

When the paths of life
Lead to a sudden end
And whatever one does
Seem to have a bend
Resources in scarcity
But nobody to lend
Think not of giving up

This then is my counsel
I give thee in a scroll
Every calamity
Has got a reason
To every person
It comes as a season
When you face it
Let it be a lesson
That when you smile
Tomorrow
There will be a reason

FAMILY HONOUR

2009-04-14T05:45:00.001-07:00

One time
I thought I was strong
But now
Pieces are my hopes
Ashes are my dreams
Blown away
By the wind

There’s no eye
That has not wept
There’s no pain
That I have not had
And scars of life
Are my tattoos
From the highway of life
That I have walked through
That sometimes I wonder
Where then lies my destination

But you are so young
That I should give you
The mantle of life
That you should move on
Not through the storm
That I encountered
Not through the potholes of life
That I stumbled upon
Not through the crossroads
Where I lost
The compass of my dreams

MY STORY

2009-04-14T05:15:00.000-07:00

Some day you shall read
The story of my life
That day you shall know
That I loved you
That day you shall know
I never abandoned you
That day you shall know
You were the pillar of my strength

Some day you shall read
The story of my life
That day you shall know
I did all for you
That day you shall know
I had been a martyr
Of your happiness
But that day
I won’t be there
For you to say sorry

THE RIVER BETWEEN

2009-04-04T01:38:00.000-07:00

I feel drowning
Not that I cannot swim
I feel blown away
Not that I cannot fly
I feel down
Not that I am moody
I feel you
Who cannot be in my life.

I feel drowsy
Not that I haven’t slept
I feel dizzy
Not that I am about to faint
I feel crazy
Not that I am going mad
I feel you
Who cannot be in my life.

I see darkness
Not that I have no hope
I see light
Not that I backslided
I see crossroads
Not that I cannot decide
I see you
Who cannot be in my life.

I see shadow
Not that I am being followed
I see mirage
Not that I am hallucinating
I see a river
That has no bridge
Beyond it are ridges
That I cannot reach
And you stand at the peak
Who cannot be in my life.

Farewell Thee

2009-03-25T05:24:00.001-07:00

I spoke to her
Not through a discussion
That others could hear
Or with gestures
That some could read
That day I spoke to her

I spoke to her
Not through tears
That my emotions
She could feel
Neither through eyes
That my sorrow
She could see
That day I spoke to her

I spoke to her
Not through a relative
Who delivered the message
Neither through the lyrics
Of the song she liked most
That day I spoke to her

As she slept forever
Shrouded in white
The mystery of death
Her clock of life
Having stopped to tick
A child so young
Such a scene I had to be
There to bid goodbye
To the mother
Now I don’t have
That day I know
I spoke to her

YESTERDAY'S LIFE

2009-03-23T00:13:00.000-07:00

You threw me away
In a dustbin to die
To friends and relatives
You gave them a lie
The child that was born
Did not even cry
As I struggled at night
To see my first dawn.

Wrinkles and grey hair
That one you could hide
This too could be your truth
That you've never been a mother
But one day you shall have
No energy to dance
One day you shall have
No voice to sing
One day you shall have
No lies to tell
As sickness and weakness
Taketh you miles to childhood.

MY THOUGHTS

2009-03-03T06:48:00.000-08:00

My Land My Abode

2009-02-22T23:58:00.000-08:00

I live in Gaza
Not the land where cattle graze
And river flows
But where Israelis raze
Our land in shells
But where Israelis flood
Our land in blood

I now know how to count
Like other boys of my age
But not with fingers and nails
But bodies of the dead
Of friends and relatives
Have taught me arithmetic
Who have died in the pool
Not the swimming pool of your maisonette
But in the pool of blood
Of those who we have lost.

My grandfather had fought
And died in the front
My father had followed
And perished in the blast
And my brother has been
A martyr in the struggle
Just like the many
Who have been in the front

And now it’s my turn
To go to the front
Not because I do not want
To be in school
I have to defend
Our land in blood
That which shall be
Tomorrow my abode

Shadow of the night

2009-02-21T01:10:00.000-08:00

Seated beneath the tree
Of that night, I remember
You promised me
Only me for you
And no other for me.
The witnesses of that night
Birds still singing in joy
The moon brightening the village
They have kept their promises
But through my daughter
You left for me yourself.
Just like you did
Beneath another tree,tonight
Perhaps she is there
Listening to you
Making night vows
That dawn taketh away
This night she has to remember
Just like I do in tears
Looking at the shadow of that night.

Lifetime Dream

2009-02-21T01:09:00.001-08:00

When you dream of a goal , to achieve in life
A mountain to climb , to you it seems
But the voice within , still insists
Give it your best , go another mile
Then burn your bridges , push on a head .

No way behind , no bridges ahead
In the minds of men, has made them achieve
Far beyond their limits,their lifetime dreams
While the voice within still insists .

Success in life , comes to those who try
To fly without wings ,and no wind around
They make a highway
Where no track existed
Suddenly it seems
To be possible to all.

Memories Of Yesterday

2009-02-21T01:07:00.000-08:00

My life to me was your shadow
When you smiled I laughed for you
When you cried I wept for you
What I loved most
I gave all for you
What you hated most
I absorbed that for you
I wanted no sorrow to touch you
I always had to swallow
Your anger for you .

You were the faith
That moved my mountain
You were the spring
That filled my fountain.
I saw no dawn welcoming today
I saw no dusk escorting tomorrow
Each day for me I lived for you
But time has made it be
Memories of Yesterday .

My Song Your Dance

2009-02-21T01:05:00.002-08:00

If I were water, I would keep some for you
When in draught and rivers dry
I would hide myself
Beneath the rocks and roots
I shall be there to quench your thirst.

I would always be there, If I were a smile
On your lips and dimples
That you may give joy in sorrow
When I look at your lovely face
The oasis of passion and love.

I would shed not ,If I were a tree
My leaves in dry season
That may shelter you from the sun
That your beauty may know
No rashes from the heat.

Song Of Death

2009-02-21T01:05:00.001-08:00

Men have fought battles at night
Others have dug trenches to hide
Women and children ran to the hills
For each one of them a way to be a live
To each one from you the reason to die .

Two rivers away came the screams
One more is gone , many other to follow
It was not a dream , that one we know
You had visited the village
To claim another life .

You have no shadow that we could track
You have no relatives that we could tell
If you had eyes
Sufferings of the oprphans
Would move you to tears
Cries of the widows
Would push you to a stop
The village witch would curse you to life
That we may see
What like is your nature .

The Waiting Game

2009-02-21T01:03:00.000-08:00

Some memories have grown
To be full of sorrows,
Of friends and foes
Who cannot see tomorrow,
As we wait for him
Our turn to follow.

As soon as you are born
You begin to die,
Mankind has been told
Many repeated times,
As no man knows
when you come for him.

Our cereals and grains
Would fill your granaries,
And the famine in your belly
Shall forever be a scar,
If light or sunshine
Could trace your shaddow.

Tribute For Amina Ramadhani

2009-02-21T01:02:00.000-08:00

I dreamt for you,of paradise on earth
Carpeted streets,with nothing like dust
Of flowing streams,to quench your thirst
In return you give,your love to me
In turn I keep our promise I made.
I crossed ridges,rivers and hills
No matter the price,I paid the bills
As your love I needed, with all the thrills
In return you gave,my love to him
In turn I kept,the promise I made.
Thereafter you lived, always in pain
Your piles of hope,were always in flame
Again you resurfaced,to try again
As you were dumped,like a carcass for hounds.
I wish I could bring you back to life
I wish I could share with you my life
Farewell, farewell my shattered dream
Goodbye, goodbye my beloved self
I wish you peace in the land yonder.

THE MARRIED BRIDE

2009-02-21T00:54:00.001-08:00

I look back
At the tracks of my life ,
Fallen are trees
That had blocked my dreams,
Dry are rivers
That had flooded my hopes,
As you stand there
Who would have been my wife ,
With charm and beauty
That would have been my drive .

I do now cry
For what wou;d have been mine,
The bride , my pride
I never even tried
It was just in mind
I never said it a loud,
That I lost a bride
Who would have been my wife ,
With charm and beauty
That would have been my drive

NO MAN CRY

2009-02-21T00:12:00.000-08:00

No Man Cry
Me heard him cry
Very loud at night
Me asked him to say
Why you cry tonight
No man has seen
Water from your eyes
No villager has heard
You crying aloudY
ou who wrestled
A bull to the ground
You who fall no sick any season
Me asked him again
Why you cry tonight
That man said no word to meHis chest full
Many worries of lifeMe know that sure
From my gray hair
No man cry
Aloud for nothing.